I mean I’ve had neighbours all my life. I’ve moved around a lot, and each time I thought. Those people next door, shall I love them or hate the stupid bastards?

I always ended up loving them, and I might never have thought of that if it wasn’t for the Bible.
 
Lent. That’s another good one.

I’ve never ever done lent. Give things up. What’s the point? I’m in control of my life, I don’t need to give things up. Anyway, I accidently tried lent, only for a week. It was an accident, but I tried it and it works!

I’m running a marathon, and gave up alcohol the week before the race. I feel guilty about this, it’s almost cheating running without any beer in my blood, but I’m getting older and felt I needed some help.

Remember I told you I was in control of my life, and didn’t need to give anything up? Oh good, as long as you’re not skip-reading, I’ll continue with my story.

Giving up beer for a whole week was absolutely murder.

It started off as a bit of a joke, but got more and more serious as the week ground on day after beer free day.

And nights, don’t forget the nights because they count as well, and I was up half of them. No beer you see.

So lent. Good idea.

The only thing that separates me from a Christian, is that I don’t believe in the Invisible Giant in the Sky, or that fantastic place he built for me when I’m dead.

Apart from that me and Christians get along fine.

John McNally
Leamington Spa, England

2) Being Sober makes you PARANOID
I kept thinking everyone else in the world was having a good time apart from me. My mate Bill Murney didn’t help, he kept sending me supportive emails, never failing to mention how much he had drank that day.

3) Being Sober gives you INSOMNIA
It’s true. You can’t sleep if you haven’t had a drink. I mean your brain keeps working overtime, all those cells sparking away with thoughts, and no alcohol to dampen them down.

4) Being Sober makes you BORING
OK. This is another obvious one. Funnily enough though, during those dark, dark days of being sober, the only thing I could talk about was beer. People started to say I was a bit one-dimensional, even boring, and they were right. I’m sober, I’m bound to be boring. Stick me in a pub with a beer in my hand and I’m at one with the world.

5) Being Sober means that your a TEETOTALER
I saved the worst thing ’til near the end. That’s right, If you try being sober, people will think you’re a teetotaler, and you wouldn’t want that would you? I mean there’s something not quite right about people who choose not to drink. I don’t trust them, It’s not normal. And the worst thing about being sober is that people will think I’m a teetotaler. I’m not. I’m weird, but I’m not THAT weird!

6) Being Sober turns you into a LIZARD
You see the reason that teetotalers don’t act normal, is because they’re not. They’re alien, from another planet, and they can’t cope with normal human activities. If you stay sober long enough you will metamophose into one of them. And I don’t mean one of those nice lizards from Alpha Centurai. No, teetotalars are those mean buggers from Pollux.

John McNally
Back on the Beer, in Leamington Spa, England

John McNally Researcher in Leamington Spa, England

As I said beer just isn’t important to me, I hardly ever think about it. Sometimes I can go a whole minute without thinking about beer. That’s not bad, men are supposed to think about sex every six seconds. That’s it! All I’ve got to do is think about sex, and all that beer nonsense  will leave. No….That didn’t work either. OK. I’ve got a bit of a confession, but don’t tell anyone else, because I think I’ve got away with it. I MISS drinking beer, and I think I’ve become more miserable than normal. I mean yesterday I had a go at people who believe in astrology. Why did I do that? They haven’t caused anybody any harm. It’s the lack of beer I tell you.

Some people say I’m one-dimensional and that all I talk about is beer. But you know me better than that, I hardly ever mention it. Nothing could be further from my mind than sitting in my local, in my favourite corner, with my favourite newspaper drinking my favourite beer.  I know what you’re thinking, that sounds like heaven….but wait, someone has just walked up to the jukebox and…and….YES it’s Pink Floyd’s ‘Us and them’ …Heaven just got even more, well, heaven like. AND, this is the best bit, it goes on and on forever. It’s one of the best value tracks you can put on, apart from ‘Tender’ by Blur, ‘One of These Days’ by Elbow,  or any Led Zepplin or Pink Floyd track, and I didn’t even put any money in the jukebox, that other bloke did.

Anyway, I think I’ve proved my point. Forty years of drinking real ale doesn’t mean your body gets dependent upon alcohol. No far from it. The medical establishment has got away with this insidious conspiracy against the whole of mankind for too long. We have the power to change things. Pass this on to any of your male friends, the brotherhood of man needs to be freed from this misconception about alcohol. Beer is GOOD for you, and it has no addictive characteristics whatsoever, I’ve proven that.  

It’s a good job we have this Internet malarkey to communicate, otherwise the medical establishment would continue to pull the wool over our eyes and tell us to drink less. LESS?  That’s ridiculous. According to my selfless experiment I should definitely be drinking MORE. The world is a much, much better place, and I’m a much,  much happier person. If I thought I was dependent upon alcohol I would be worried, but luckily I’m not……..My name is John McNally and I have to wait another 86 hours before I can have a drink……

John McNally
Parched and Thirsty in Leamington Spa, England

Beer makes the world go around. Beer is good for you. Life without beer would be……..would be…… well, I just can’t imagine it, a nightmare I suppose, but I’m not willing to find out.

The reason beer is on my mind instead of in my stomach, is that I’m trying something new for the Gloucester marathon. I’ve given up beer for a week. It’s day two now and I’m fine, no really I’m fine.

I hardly ever think about having a drink. I like tea and horlicks it’s lovely, I don’t need alcohol. See, I told you I hardly ever think about it, that was two sentences without beer mentioned.

Why should I waste time sitting  in my local,  with a pint of real ale, when I could be writing about beer instead. 

Beer?…… Who said that?

It’s no good, who’s fooling who? I REALLY, really want to go down the pub with my newspaper, have a lovely pint of real ale and relax.

Bloomin’ marathon training it’s murder!

John McNally
Thirsty in Leamington Spa, England

Inside the relaxed atmosphere of a local pub you can network to your hearts content. If you offer local services, then the pub can be your best source of businesss.

When I first started Internet Marketing I concentrated on creating websites. To sell my pop art paintings, I spent ages creating what I thought was the perfect website. This website has produced ONE sale, whereas I have sold  FIVE paintings down my local pub.

I was proactive about this. I created a leaflet with examples of my paintings, and left them on the bar. Customers then come up to me and ask if I could paint something for them. There’s no selling involved, the customers think I am doing them a favour.

I created a similar leaflet for my ‘Personal Training/Running’. The result was that the Pub landlady took up running and paid me with free beer.

I have just finished a website for the Web Design Service I am offering, and will create another leaflet for the pub bar and notice board. I’m willing to bet I will get more business from my local than the Internet.

I don’t need any reasons to drink in a pub, but if you want one, how about it could be the best commercial decision of your life?

John McNally

One of them had heard that the Birmingham brewery Mitchells and Butlers were looking for a band to play at their trade fairs. So they decided to call themselves the M & B Band and tried to get sponsored by the brewery.

Unfortunately the M&B Brewery changed their marketing policy, and the lads never got the sponsorship they hoped for. In the meantime however the group had played at many venues as the M&B Band, and while they wanted to change their name, they didn’t want to confuse their customers and fans.

So they decided to call themselves something beginning with M and B, and became………..the Moody Blues! 

The original five Brummie lads were Ray Thomas, Clint Warwick, Graham Edge, Mike Pinder and Denny Laine (who later joined Paul McCartney and Wings, co-writing the “Mull of Kintyre“).  Mike Pinder and Denny Laine both left early in the Moodies career, and were replaced by John Lodge and Justin Hayward.

1967 saw the Moody Blues produce their “Days of Future Passed” album together with a full classical orchestra. This album contained their biggest hit “Knights in White Satin“.

However I prefer their tribute to the late Timothy Leary ‘Legend of a Mind’, from “In Search of the Lost Chord“, 1968. This was a good showcase for Ray Thomas’s talent as a flautist.

John McNally

The only bit’s I liked were “Are we like Sheep?” and “The Hallelujah Chorus” – but that was over an hour away.  I was having trouble keeping my eyes open, and my girlfriend was having the same problem, so in the interval we ‘did a runner’.

The Zetland Arms was just outside the church, and over a pint of delicious real ale we decided not to go back. Next pub was the Tilted Wig where we saw a football match while imbibing a lovely local brew called “The Tilted Pig” from Slaughterhouse Ales. (Their brewery is on an old abattoir site).

Before returning home we thought we would pop into the Punch Bowl for some cheap Barnsley bitter. While enjoying our pint, we heard the strains of a Christmas carol coming from the other end of the pub! When we walked over to see what was happening, we discovered a folk group and choir of about 20 people all having a great time.

It was a ‘retirement party’ that had been abandoned in December because of snow. Hence the Christmas carols in April! Everyone made us very welcome, and we were soon members of the choir singing along to the popular tunes.

THAT’S what I like about pubs……..they’re PUBLIC. Anyone can go in, and you never know who is there, or what is happening, until you go inside. The Punch Bowl  turned a disappointing Messiah into a fantastic Christmas experience!

John McNally 

Recently I visited the Friendly Inn, Frankton, Warwickshire, and noticed a plaque on the wall defining the rules of cricket. It was so good, I copied it down for this post.

If you’ve every been slightly confused by the rules of cricket, here they are in simple form:

You have 2 sides out in the field, one in and one out.

Each man that’s in the side that’s in goes out and when he’s out he comes in and the next man goes in until he’s out.

When they are all out, the side that’s out comes in and the side that’s been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out.

Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When both sides have been in and out, including the not outs – That’s the end of the game.

I hope this information is useful for any foreign visitors who want to enjoy the intricacies of a traditional English game. Now these rules have been explained to me however,  I’m no longer embarrassed by not understanding the game!  

John McNally

Recently my brother arranged a ‘Risk and Rioja’ night at his house; Playing the Waddington’s board game Risk, while drinking Spanish red wine. We had a few pints of Timothy Taylor Landlord bitter first which was really lovely, then we hit the red wine.

Tony had everything well organised with a gaming table all set up and a bottle of Rioja for each of us. The game went well when I formed an alliance with my brother to take over the world. Unfortunately he broke the alliance at a crucial moment, which resulted in us BOTH losing!

The wine tasted nice, but when I examined the bottle it had an alcoholic strength of 12.5%!  The consequence next day was inevitable, a headache and a queasy sick feeling. As a drinker I accept headaches as a price worth paying, but the queasy stomach was a new unpleasant experience.

My brother however seemed right as rain. He confirmed that he didn’t have a hangover and felt fine. It was at this moment he revealed his cunning plan. He gave everyone their own personal bottle of Rioja, however his own bottle had been filled with Vimto!

I had to admire the ingenuity of his idea, and the preparation it entailed, but the experience has confirmed one thing – wine is not for me, it’s far too strong.

John McNally